SATAA welcomes new members Louise van Liebenberg, Barry Viljoen, Ivana Tosic and Nicolette Smuts to our association.
Louise is a counsellor and coach in the Kwa-Zulu Natal Midlands. Her work focuses particularly on the Adult Child 12 Step programme. It is through this work that she discovered Transactional Analysis. She is looking forward to connecting with the TA community in South Africa and starting her formal training in TA in the near future.
Barry is a clinical psychologist with his practice in Johannesburg. He has encountered TA in his work and has found it to offer a useful balance between systemic psychology and traditional psychodynamic work. He is looking forward to collaborating with Transactional Analysts in South Africa through SATAA’s training, webinar and community of practice offerings.
Ivana attended the TA 101 with Marguerite Sacco and has since joined her TA foundation group as well as her TA conversations group. She says that she joined SATAA because her interest in TA is growing continuously and having met some very interesting people, it seemed like a natural next step. She says she has a child-like curiosity and excitement of discovering various “universes”, from the actual cosmos, to marine world and nature in general, she finds the human inner/outer world is equally endless and fascinating. TA has opened an interesting window into better understanding full of insight, comprehension, compassion and fun as well. She incorporates TA in her regular daily functioning. Rather than using it “professionally”, she says TA “finds its little meanders like an unstoppable river into my daily life, interactions with the family, friends, colleagues or simply by being part and observant of the vibrant surroundings.”
Nicolette joined SATAA because of her passion for TA and its philosophy, that each of us has worth, value and dignity and deserve to be treated accordingly. She has completed the TA 101 and Karen Pratt’s foundation year of TA. She wishes to be part of a community that shares the same interests, is curious about developments within TA, and wants to have an impact. She uses TA in her life as a journey of learning, and with her work with teams where she has applied many TA models in a most creative way.
Samiksha Jain, a TA psychotherapy trainee from Bangalore, has written an article entitled: Where There is a Will, There is a Way – Professional Will – A Tool for Ethical Practice
This article aims to draw the attention of mental health practitioners to the significance of a professional will in their practice. The author describes her personal and professional journey of using and adopting a professional will in her practice that allowed her to remain ethically grounded in her practice, her relationships with colleagues, and her family. The article also discusses the process of drawing up a professional will.
Let me formally introduce myself, my name is Given Malebe, Post Graduate in Electrical Engineering B-Tech in the University of Johannesburg. I live in Alexandra township Johannesburg South Africa. My Township has a population of 500 000-700 000 people living in poverty. Success rate out of 100 is 10%. I’m surrounded by negativity, envy, peer pressure, crime, alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancy, drugs and failure to pass Matric or School dropouts.
In 2011 when I was doing my Grade 12, I was fortunate to meet Dr. Marianne Felix, MBBCH, DOH, PHD and a certified Kundalini Yoga teacher. She was teaching Yoga in Alexandra Township high Schools. I was one of the first student who were attending her classes. Yoga helped me to deal with stress, anxiety, depression, worry, concentration, etc, and it helped me to get higher marks to be accepted to study at University of Johannesburg. In 2013 She started a non-profit organisation “Yoga4Alex” that helped me with my studies and it also helped many young adults to progress in life.
In 2020 I had a privilege to work for Yoga4Alex to give back to my Community. Yoga4Alex gave me an opportunity to attend a two days course of Introduction to Transactional Analysis (TA 101) Hosted By Ms Karen Pratt. Transactional Analysis 101 opened a new world of psychology to me. I started to understand human behaviour and why people act in certain ways.
I started to understand why so many were negative, envious, and abusing alcohol. According to TA, Eric Berne described certain hungers, which are experienced by all of us. He called the need for mental and physical stimulation, stimulus hunger, the need for recognition by others, recognition hunger. Normal psychological development is impossible without some satisfaction of this hungers, therefore failing to get this hungers it created Negativity, envy and abuse of Alcohol. The other factors was the environment and past ego states, Berne noticed that people would often connect with past ego states and when they did this they behaved as if these archaic ego states were part of their current reality.
After finishing the two day course, I had to give back the information I have gathered to my community. Yoga4Alex is working with young students from Alexandra who just matriculated in 2019, therefore we had to share the information with them. We called our workshop constructive communication.
We did a 8 days workshop with our students and this is what we taught them:
INTRODUCTION TO TRANSACTIONAL ANALYSIS
Day 1: Relation with self and others, personality and Human behaviour.
Day 2: Ego States and OK OK Communication Model
Day 3: Scripts
Day 4: Drama Triangle and Winner Triangle
Day 5: Discounting and Steps to Success
Day 6: Drivers
Day 7: Cycle of Development
Day 8: Conclusion of the workshop
Feedback from some of the participants:
What was the most significant thing you learned?
I learned that it is important to understand yourself.
I learned that it is important to have effective communication with other people.
I learned that there are different types of ego states and communication styles.
The most significant thing I learned was to build a relationship with yourself before building one with others.
What are the first steps towards the change you want?
I have to allow myself to learn so that I can be open to teach others.
I want to change the way I communicate with my learners – I tend to talk to them like a Parent. I must make sure that I make a safe space for them and build a friendship with them.
Be the change you want to see, then put it into practice!
Knowing and wanting to change is first. Then work step by step towards the change.
Recently. I was brought in by a large corporate brand, to facilitate team coaching sessions with a team of men of various ages, different cultural backgrounds and challenging economic circumstances. This was a new experience for me as up until now I have primarily worked with individuals and 80% of my clients are women. The objective of these sessions was to improve communication between the team and their manager.
I approached these coaching sessions as follows – each person had a chance to check in and then we decided as a group what we would like to focus our discussion on during that session. Depending on the topic, I would share a model that I felt was relevant and we would discuss the team’s experience within the framework of the model. This is how I often work with my one on one clients and the models I most commonly work with are Life Positions, Karpman’s Drama Triangle and Functional Ego States.
During our first session, as we were discussing the team’s ideas of what authentic communication looks like, one of them said to the group, “It’s like that Parent, Adult, Child thing. The way you say something will effect the way someone hears what you are saying.”
I couldn’t believe it! As it turns out, they had already been introduced to Ego States in a previous workshop with another trainer over a year ago. More than that, they had actually remembered it.
We went on to discuss what happens when two people have an interaction. I drew it on the whiteboard like this:
The team came to the conclusion that we each bring something unique to the present moment. The bit in the middle is the experience we have of being together. So if one person brings something different to the present moment it will change the quality of the overall experience. And, the more you get to know and understand someone, the more your shared experience expands.
They got really excited about this, as did I, as this spoke directly to our objective of improving their relationship with their manager. They ended that first session believing that they have a role to play in creating the quality of their relationships/communication.
During the remainder of our sessions, we explored Karpman’s Drama Triangle, Life Positions and Strokes. With each piece of TA theory, their self-awareness grew. They shared examples of how this was impacting their personal lives in a positive way. They showed a willingness to grow their sense of autonomy in a work environment too.
And, we kept coming back to the diagram above. It was incredible to me that this very simple diagram had such an enormous impact on them. I am not sure where this model came from, whether I saw it somewhere or imagined it myself. I used the same image in a post I created a year ago, when I wanted to illustrate what a co-creative style of workshop facilitation looks like.
I am so excited to continue working with this group of men as our contract has been extended. I love how my own frame of reference has expanded during our time together. I have so enjoyed sharing TA with them and seeing the enthusiasm they have shown for learning more.
It illustrates for me how truly universal TA is. I am so grateful to be able to share it with others as I work towards my CTA. I hope I continue to find new creative ways to share the concepts and invite others to feel as excited as I feel about using TA to become more autonomous.
To share your own experience of TA in Practice in our next newsletter, please email us on info@sataa.org.za
My name is Kirsty Melmed and I am a life coach who specialises in personal development, spiritual growth and relationship transformation. My mission is to empower you to live life authentically.
I first met with TA when I was 16 years old. A psychologist from New Zealand came to my high school to run a workshop called “Get Real”. It was my first encounter with the concept of personal development so it seems fitting that it included a core TA model – Karpman’s Drama Triangle.
I was immediately drawn in to the simplicity of the model and how perfectly it summed up the dynamics of my most important relationships at the time. That workshop set me on the path to becoming a coach. I completed a BA specialising in Psychological Counselling and decided I was not quite ready to join the ‘Adult’ world just yet. So I set off on a one way ticket to Europe where I spent the next five years exploring, learning and having a whole lot of fun.
During my time working for a youth tour operator, I was responsible for training and managing over 60 team members directly. My favourite part of this was the one on one sit downs I had with each person. Instead of focusing on performance management I followed my instincts and instead focussed on what they wanted to achieve and how they wanted to grow.
When I moved back to Cape Town at the end of 2014 I reflected on my time in Europe and decided that those one on one sessions were my favourite part of a pretty spectacular job. I did some research and discovered life coaching. I had no idea that what I had been doing with those young adults was exactly that. How exciting to realise my passion and purpose!
I came across Karen Pratt’s website and straight away I felt synergy. Not only was she a coach trainer but she offered training in TA. I remembered the Drama Triangle over a decade later and felt my curiosity piqued to learn more. It felt like my journey had come full circle.
Since then I have completed a TA101 and 202 as well as numerous workshops and webinars. I am currently part of the Foundation Year training group with Karen and my fellow SATAA Exco member Andrew. I am working towards a CTA in the Educational field as I love sharing my TA knowledge with others and hope to become a TSTA one day too.
As a coach, I use TA in my sessions ALL the time. It informs the way I coach and I often share the core models with my clients if it feels like it could be helpful to the discussion. I am continuously struck by how universal TA is as a language, and that people from all walks of life can overlay the concepts to their experiences with ease.
I have run workshops both privately and in schools which are based on TA theory. It blows my mind to see how relevant TA is to teachers as they navigate the dynamics of a classroom. I would love to introduce TA into the South African school system as part of the curriculum for learners and as a tool for educators. Who knows, perhaps one day I will…
On a personal level, TA has transformed my relationships with my family and my partner Garth. Over time, as I have animatedly shared the latest bit of theory over many Sunday lunches, they have become accustomed to the terms. Much to my annoyance they have even been known on occasion to point out when they notice me moaning from a ‘not ok’ space… Which of course is really a beautiful gift which I welcome. The more I learn the more I experience my script with new insight. I feel as if TA has given me the tools I need to live my own life authentically and thus practise what I teach.
Being in my thirties and only four years into my chosen career, I feel so grateful to have discovered TA so early on. The Rebellious Child in me has often felt like I am different to the people around me. In the TA community I have found a family of people who speak the same language. It feels incredible to be seen and to see others in such a real way. I can’t wait to find out what the future holds and know that my involvement with the SATAA is the next step on the journey.
For more info please find me at www.kirstymelmedlifecoach.com or on social media with the following handle @kirstymelmedlifecoach.
As we got closer to the time, the anticipation of another TA conference in India, grew. The warmth and connection in past Indian conferences stands out for me – people boldly give and receive positive strokes and it creates such a wonderful sense of belonging – a theme that is important for me. The enticing conference theme of The Dance of Culture felt important for me as a South African living within such a multi-cultural society.
This time the monsoon floods added another type of dance to my experience in Kochi – a dance within myself about making decisions that would both keep us safe and allow participation in the conference; a dance of both valuing international connections and a deep valuing in being a South African.
My husband was travelling with me for the first time in India. After almost three weeks exploring other parts of south India and meeting people that have been significant to me over the 11 years of coming to India, we arrived in Kochi five days ahead of the exams and conference so that we could explore together. After a brief concern with the airport being closed for a few hours when one of the dam’s shutters were opened, we arrived with no problem later that evening and had a wonderful five days exploring Fort Kochi and doing a trip on the beautiful backwaters.
And then the rains returned…..
So many things stand out for me now as I reflect on the experiences of those next four days. The conference organisers were flexible to consider, moment by moment, what the best decisions were – rearranging workshops, and ultimately deciding to end the conference one day earlier. What a strong and compassionate team they were! There was a balance of enabling those presenters and participants who had been able to get there, to still experience deep moments of connection and learning, as well as sensibly considering the safety of people. At the same time there was always the concern for the people who had lost everything – the generous donation of money that was collected to support relief efforts was heartening.
A home under water in the floods a bit north of Kochi
Adrienne Lee’s keynote address highlighted for me the balance of autonomy and homonomy. I see Berne’s (1964) initial emphasis on autonomy as a gift to people striving to find their voice within families and systems of oppression. But autonomy alone is not enough – it can separate and divide and become all about ‘me.’ Angyl (1972) in Salters (2011) wrote about homonomy – the need for interconnectedness within and between each person’s autonomy. In South Africa we have the concept of ‘Ubuntu’ – the concept that a person is a person through other people. My own spiritual journey at present is being powerfully impacted by the writings of Dr Cynthia Bourgeault (2016) who speaks about non-duality. This is a different way of viewing the world – it takes away the subject-object way of seeing people and ideologies and moves to living from the experience of oneness that mystical expressions of many faiths, speak about. For example, in Christianity Jesus said: ‘The Father and I are one’ (John 10:30)
This sense of homonomy and non-duality was powerfully lived out during those days in Kochi. As people from outside of India were anxious about how they would return to their homes and families, the conference team and local participants went out of their way to source different travel options and make wise decisions about the planned conference events.
The experience challenged me as a white South African who comes from a privileged background. It brought back some of the colonial elements of living in a society where I have more means and privilege than others and so can make different choices. My Indian friends, with whom we would be staying for a few days back in Bangalore, initially suggested that an overnight train was a safe option. But we were only able to be on a waiting list. And my fantasy of the challenges of a twelve to fourteen hour journey on a train began to loom large. A different plan was to travel by road to Trivandrum and then book a new flight from there. I spent some time thinking deeply about the choices I made. If I took what seemed like the easier option and booked a new flight, was that betraying my friends who had chosen the more economical option? In a situation of crisis, was this coming from an I’m OK, You’re not OK attitude? What message was I sending about homonomy and interconnectedness if I chose the easier option?
As it happened, my friends also decided to do the road trip and flight from Trivandrum. and so we were able to share in that experience together.
Another poignant moment was saying goodbye to one of my SA colleagues who had chosen to leave on the Saturday, while we chose to leave on the Sunday. As we hugged goodbye we wished each other well and the message to each other was ‘Stay safe’ A few days ago we met up in South Africa and I realised the power of the South African sense of belonging as we once again hugged each other hello and I felt the tears of relief flowing. It was a powerful confirmation of my roots in South Africa, the country of my birth, despite the challenges in our country – that strong sense of belonging in this land.
I know that one of my injunctions has been ‘Don’t belong’ and my eighteen year journey with TA has in so many ways offered powerful permission to belong in a very deep way. The experience in Kochi enabled me once again to deepen this sense of belonging – with my Indian friends and international TA colleagues, and with my fellow South Africans and my homeland – what a gift!
The Namaste exercise we did at the end of the keynote from Adrienne Lee
References:
Berne, E. (1964) Games People Play Penguin Books Bourgeault, C (2016) The Heart of Centering Prayer – Nondual Christianity in Theory and Practice Shambala. Boulder Salters, D (2011) Transactional analysis and Spiral Dynamics The Transactional Analysis Journal, 41, 265-276